you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
