I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
These tits shall not be calmed
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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