So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
