We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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