Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
