Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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