Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
