the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
