so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
