dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
