did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
