Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
