I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
