I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
