i already hear my dad disowning me
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
