Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
