I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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