Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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