Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
whose parrot is this?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
