I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
so much tequila, so little girl.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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