he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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