We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
