your parents love me but you hate me
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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