well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
