What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
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