I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
