Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize