Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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