I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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