YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
