He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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