I don't usually arrange sex via text message
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
