May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Reggie can tackle my bush.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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