he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
