Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize