if i can run in heels then i can drive
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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