first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
