He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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