I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
