she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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