tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
