If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
