Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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