Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
