How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
