I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
