Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I licked your asshole in confidence.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
His nipple licking is glorious
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