so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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