I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
