Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
