Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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