WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
