dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
