Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
