Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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