At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
