every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
