Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
