She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
