Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
