the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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