So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
