Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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