How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
