If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Say something about gay babies.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
