quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
